Don’t Accept Defeat (7 Ways I was Able to Get Stronger)

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How many challenges do we face every single week of the month? Real life contains emotional tests like disappointments, tragedy, societal issues, stress, injury, divorce, death, unemployment and even choices we make with an unknown future. So how do we keep moving forward without being totally defeated with life?

There are several ways we can do this that are truly effective if we are determined to move forward and intentional about facing the issue. By intentionally facing the issue, it builds on our strengths and makes us even more resilient for the next challenge. If we don’t face it, it weakens our capacity for the next time.

Boy did I learn these lessons the hard way…

Despite my hand injury and pain slowing me down, past abuse, and the huge commitment of raising my grandson full time (some days I feel too old for this!), I refuse to let myself get defeated.   Through my emotional fitness journey, I found some strategies that I put into practise that really helped me to learn to experience the inevitable challenges, have normal feelings about them, yet find a way to move past them quicker so that they have less impact on my life.

Here is what I learned…

  1.  I learned to enjoy my life as it is, instead of wishing it was different.  I learned to be present in my current life, enjoy what life has to offer now and not constantly be feeling like I need something different.  Having those feelings of wanting something different than what you have now is a huge stress, worry and constantly gets you down.  This is a hard habit to get out of, and I need to remind myself of this at times, but it is worth the work!
  2.  I learned to be thankful.  Wow, this made a huge difference in my life.  It is so easy to count our troubles instead of counting our blessings, but focusing on trouble completely eliminates our ability to experience the good we have been given in life.  A change in my perspective here made all the difference.  I learned to recognize the good and to be very thankful about it.
  3. I learned to slow down.  I was constantly in a rush every minute of every day.  By being in this state of mind, I was constantly making mistakes, cutting corners, getting ahead of myself and missing out on so many important moments in life.  Not to mention that being in a rush all the time was driving my kids crazy!   I learned to slow down and remembered what my mom always told me…”slow and steady wins the race”…dang it she was right!   Slowing down and being intentional about what I was doing improved my state of mind, I was more relaxed and my life was less stressful and (no surprise), my relationships improved!
  4. I learned to face the truth and the real emotional issues.   It was always easier to turn away from life challenges instead of facing them. I was a master avoider!!  The fact is, these emotions and truths will catch up to us eventually!  I learned that when I faced reality, I was much more capable of dealing with life effectively.  Seriously, when you do this, what once seemed difficult, now seems so much easier!  Things that seemed scary, now feel more comfortable and familiar.  I felt the difference this made in my strength and it helped me to build a much deeper confidence in myself.  Feeling capable is a great feeling!   ….and once on this path, you just keep getting stronger all the time!
  5. Further to facing the truth, I found that NOT pushing emotions away or packing them away in the “little black pandora’s box” of my mind was the best idea!   Seriously, I have learned that we need those feelings in order to have satisfaction, meaning and absolute pleasure in our life.  Packing away those feelings in the black box actually drained my energy and had unconcious impact on my personality!  Sounds scary, but its very true.  We need to experience our real emotions to have satisfaction and joy in our lives!
  6. Another thing I learned is that things cannot be perfect all of the time.  I had to really believe the fact that no one is perfect and no one gets things right every time.  If we have too unreasonable of expectations of ourselves, there is a constant feeling of failure and inadequacy.  This is NOT a good feeling, but had become a bad habit for me.  Perfectionism actually leads to anger and lack of confidence and has a negative impact on relationships.  This is a tough one to get over since I have had this issue since childhood, but it is an essential one to work through in order to be happy with yourself.  I learned that I was able to gain confidence through the process of trying, succeeding, failing and trying again…It built my power, resilience and confidence over time.
  7. The last thing I learned that was a critical shift for me to avoid defeat in life was to realize that relationships in our life need to be nurtured and cared for.   This includes coworkers, intimate partner, kids, family…all of these relationships need to be given attention and commitment to keep them alive and positive…and not just occasionally…this is something to work on consistently.  The other thing I had to learn was that I am 100% responsible for my contribution to the relationships and for my happiness.  No one else was responsible for any of this.  Forgiveness, making amends, accepting forgiveness, being open and vulnerable about love and talking about concerns were essential to realize and to apply to my life.

There was a lot of things to talk about today!   These were all things I learned by being committed to personal development, being determined to deal with past issues of abuse, focusing on becoming a better person…  Ultimately, developing personal strengths in multiple areas of life and thinking bigger like this really does make accepting any kind of defeat in life totally optional.  We have the choice and we don’t have to let life’s challenges get us down!

I am feeling happy, successful and accomplished right now since I got day 13 of my 30 day Fitness Challenge DONE!   I hope you have a fabulous day!!

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Believe in Yourself (and Why Nothing Will Work if you Don’t)

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Having a strong belief in myself and my vision is what keeps me going every day!

Having trouble staying motivated on your health or goals journey?

Having a true belief in yourself and your goals is essential since nothing will work if you don’t believe in it. Do you find yourself saying to advice..”I don’t believe these ideas will work for me”?  A lack of belief in ourselves will limit us no matter how great the ideas or opportunities are that we are exposed to.

So what to do then?

People who are successful are determined to make situations work for them rather than playing the role of victim and searching for reasons why a situation will not work.

If we believe that change is possible for ourselves, we will be willing to test, experiment, and try new things even when we feel uncertain. If we don’t believe it is possible to make new things work, then it’s hard to make any progress. I don’t care how good the ideas are, nothing will work for you if you don’t believe in it. And more importantly, nothing will work if you don’t believe in yourself.

True belief in yourself leads to more positive energy, drive and motivation… Put pen to paper and write down what you would like to achieve and develop a vision for yourself to develop that inner power to build your belief in what is possible.

Once you develop the belief that “anything is possible” and that you can “do anything you set your mind to”, and believe in your vision  …you will be amazed at the change in yourself and the incredible motivation and action that comes from it!

The honest truth…. I feel like I am losing belief in myself today, so I needed to hear this post more than anyone!  Despite this, I made myself complete day 10 of my current 30 day fitness challenge (at least I have accomplished this!)   …I am going to put pen to paper today and follow my own advice!

Please COMMENT on this post with your ideas about how to improve motivation and belief in ourselves

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How to Change Your Fitness Mindset (And How You Will Succeed Once You Do)

The power of the mind is incredible.
The power of the mind is incredible.

Ever started on the path to fitness and then gave up?

We all have.

As a Nurse Practitioner and health coach, I see it happen all the time.

Most of the time, it has everything to do with a person’s mindset.

Our limiting beliefs about ourselves are, well, limiting. Even if we decide to get fit and pursue health, we will fail if deep down we don’t really believe we could be fit or strong. Despite our determination, our negative beliefs will undermine our efforts, and we’ll sabotage our own efforts.

Good news though!   What we believe about ourselves can be changed. Our brains are capable of creating new neural pathways and changing not only our beliefs but also behavioral patterns. It just takes work.

We have it backwards. The path to fitness doesn’t start with a strategy of when and where and how to work out. It doesn’t even start with a nutrition plan. It starts with a correct mindset – one that believes we can accomplish the health and fitness we desire.

Only once we believe we are capable of change, is it sensible to work toward that goal.

How to Change Your Mindset

First, don’t expect instant results. This thing takes time. In order to develop a fitness mindset one of the first things we have to understand is that whatever physical shape we are in today, it is the result of hundreds of small habitual actions performed throughout our life.

And we have to understand that just as we don’t get out of shape and overweight overnight, we won’t get in shape overnight either. We need to truly understand that “instant gratification” is not possible.
Most importantly, we have to understand that a fitness mindset sees life as a journey rather than a destination.

That means every failure and setback is an opportunity for growth – focus on that. We are not eating salad to fill a quota. We are not even working out to build muscles. At least, those aren’t the thing to focus on. Think of them as a byproduct of your patience, consistency, and resilience. And those qualities are grown in the face of difficulty. Embrace that, and the tough days – when you’re physically spent or emotionally worn, or all your drive and desire has dissipated like a mist – those days will seem less like drudgery and more like opportunity.

 

Practically, changing your mindset is the training of your thoughts every day. Sometimes, especially at the beginning, it’s a minute-by-minute work.

Steps to Changing Your Mindset

  • Identify the Thought You Want to Change
    We can’t change something we don’t know about. Be honest with yourself about what you really believe. Do you really, deep down, believe you can eat clean as a lifestyle for the rest of your life?  Do you really, deep down, believe you can one day become consistent at working out? What do you believe about yourself? Do you feel that you are worth it?
  • Recognize When You’re Thinking the Thought
    This is where you spy on your own brain, catching it red handed as it lies to you. Listen closely for that negative self talk. When you’re vacuuming and your mind wanders, do you hear those negative thoughts?  For example, if you don’t believe that you can ever stop snacking on sweets in the evenings, you might catch yourself thinking, “I’m an emotional eater.” The more you think these thoughts, the more they become true. Catch them in the act.
  • Replace the Thought
    Once you catch the negative self-talk in the act, stop. Stop yourself from thinking it. Refuse to indulge that lie one more time. That’s what it is – it’s a lie. Replace it with a truth – even if it’s not necessarily true right now, make your mind identify it as a truth. It is possible, to some degree, to speak things into being. If you tell your brain something over and over, it will begin to believe you. Once you believe it, your behaviour will follow. Because we act on our beliefs. We can’t help it.  Putting pen to paper and writing these beliefs and belief replacements down has been proven to be most effective.

 

Positive Replacement Thoughts

There are loads of ideas of positive replacement thoughts, or mantras as some call them. Here’s a list to kick-start your brainstorming.

My most recent ones are, “I am a gladiator!” or “I am a chiseled badass granny!”  The more I say it, the more I believe it. And the more I believe it, the more I act like it. It’s the coolest thing to be able to train our brain.

 

What limiting thoughts are keeping you from growing in health and fitness?
What positive declaration can you replace it with? (Share in the comments so I can cheer you on!)

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