Don’t Accept Defeat (7 Ways I was Able to Get Stronger)


How many challenges do we face every single week of the month? Real life contains emotional tests like disappointments, tragedy, societal issues, stress, injury, divorce, death, unemployment and even choices we make with an unknown future. So how do we keep moving forward without being totally defeated with life?

There are several ways we can do this that are truly effective if we are determined to move forward and intentional about facing the issue. By intentionally facing the issue, it builds on our strengths and makes us even more resilient for the next challenge. If we don’t face it, it weakens our capacity for the next time.

Boy did I learn these lessons the hard way…

Despite my hand injury and pain slowing me down, past abuse, and the huge commitment of raising my grandson full time (some days I feel too old for this!), I refuse to let myself get defeated.   Through my emotional fitness journey, I found some strategies that I put into practise that really helped me to learn to experience the inevitable challenges, have normal feelings about them, yet find a way to move past them quicker so that they have less impact on my life.

Here is what I learned…

  1.  I learned to enjoy my life as it is, instead of wishing it was different.  I learned to be present in my current life, enjoy what life has to offer now and not constantly be feeling like I need something different.  Having those feelings of wanting something different than what you have now is a huge stress, worry and constantly gets you down.  This is a hard habit to get out of, and I need to remind myself of this at times, but it is worth the work!
  2.  I learned to be thankful.  Wow, this made a huge difference in my life.  It is so easy to count our troubles instead of counting our blessings, but focusing on trouble completely eliminates our ability to experience the good we have been given in life.  A change in my perspective here made all the difference.  I learned to recognize the good and to be very thankful about it.
  3. I learned to slow down.  I was constantly in a rush every minute of every day.  By being in this state of mind, I was constantly making mistakes, cutting corners, getting ahead of myself and missing out on so many important moments in life.  Not to mention that being in a rush all the time was driving my kids crazy!   I learned to slow down and remembered what my mom always told me…”slow and steady wins the race”…dang it she was right!   Slowing down and being intentional about what I was doing improved my state of mind, I was more relaxed and my life was less stressful and (no surprise), my relationships improved!
  4. I learned to face the truth and the real emotional issues.   It was always easier to turn away from life challenges instead of facing them. I was a master avoider!!  The fact is, these emotions and truths will catch up to us eventually!  I learned that when I faced reality, I was much more capable of dealing with life effectively.  Seriously, when you do this, what once seemed difficult, now seems so much easier!  Things that seemed scary, now feel more comfortable and familiar.  I felt the difference this made in my strength and it helped me to build a much deeper confidence in myself.  Feeling capable is a great feeling!   ….and once on this path, you just keep getting stronger all the time!
  5. Further to facing the truth, I found that NOT pushing emotions away or packing them away in the “little black pandora’s box” of my mind was the best idea!   Seriously, I have learned that we need those feelings in order to have satisfaction, meaning and absolute pleasure in our life.  Packing away those feelings in the black box actually drained my energy and had unconcious impact on my personality!  Sounds scary, but its very true.  We need to experience our real emotions to have satisfaction and joy in our lives!
  6. Another thing I learned is that things cannot be perfect all of the time.  I had to really believe the fact that no one is perfect and no one gets things right every time.  If we have too unreasonable of expectations of ourselves, there is a constant feeling of failure and inadequacy.  This is NOT a good feeling, but had become a bad habit for me.  Perfectionism actually leads to anger and lack of confidence and has a negative impact on relationships.  This is a tough one to get over since I have had this issue since childhood, but it is an essential one to work through in order to be happy with yourself.  I learned that I was able to gain confidence through the process of trying, succeeding, failing and trying again…It built my power, resilience and confidence over time.
  7. The last thing I learned that was a critical shift for me to avoid defeat in life was to realize that relationships in our life need to be nurtured and cared for.   This includes coworkers, intimate partner, kids, family…all of these relationships need to be given attention and commitment to keep them alive and positive…and not just occasionally…this is something to work on consistently.  The other thing I had to learn was that I am 100% responsible for my contribution to the relationships and for my happiness.  No one else was responsible for any of this.  Forgiveness, making amends, accepting forgiveness, being open and vulnerable about love and talking about concerns were essential to realize and to apply to my life.

There was a lot of things to talk about today!   These were all things I learned by being committed to personal development, being determined to deal with past issues of abuse, focusing on becoming a better person…  Ultimately, developing personal strengths in multiple areas of life and thinking bigger like this really does make accepting any kind of defeat in life totally optional.  We have the choice and we don’t have to let life’s challenges get us down!

I am feeling happy, successful and accomplished right now since I got day 13 of my 30 day Fitness Challenge DONE!   I hope you have a fabulous day!!

To join the Athletic Grandma health and fitness community, click HERE to enter your name and email address!


Learn to Love Yourself. ( …Yes, it is possible)

Learning to love yourself isnt easy, but it is worth it!
Learning to love yourself isnt easy, but it is worth it!

After so many years of not knowing why I was so irritable, impatient, always in a hurry, overwhelmed, and grouchy, I have recently made some discoveries!  I would often say to myself “I cannot even stand myself like this”….and it wouldn’t be just be during PMS either! 🙂

As I move through my emotional healing journey some major issues are being uncovered. From years of trauma and abuse and packing all those negative feelings away in the back of my mind so I could just survive, subconsciously I did not have positive feelings about myself at all!  I didn’t even realize this since I was too busy responding to life challenges and in survival mode all day to even realize!  Aha! No wonder I was so cranky!

After developing beliefs as a child that you are no good for anything, not worthy of love, useless and never good enough, subconsciously, those beliefs remain with you and affect your future beliefs in yourself as well as your emotional responses to the world around you (especially in your closest intimate relationships). It’s scary just how much this affects us as an adult!

It has taken me tremendous work, research, digging deep, determination and sharing my experiences with others to truly begin to love myself. I have learned so much on this journey that I would be honored to have the opportunity to help you to learn to love yourself too!!   A few things I have learned so far are to;  give myself permission to put myself first, say “no” to unloving acts towards me (out of self-love, remove myself from hurtful situations or people), forgive myself for mistakes I have made, celebrate myself when I achieve something (even if it is small), and learn that I am deserving of love and other good things.

Now that I have these self-realizations, am I an expert or am I perfect?

NO! I do still have much more work to do on myself, and I consider myself a work in progress, but I have made huge strides already and have learned so much about how to take steps in the right direction.   Sometimes, sharing your struggles with someone who is going through it to, or is just a few steps ahead of where you are, can be the most effective way to make progress and feel genuinely supported and understood too!

We are all human, and we ALL deserve love. Today, do yourself a favor and start with yourself. You’ll thank yourself later! And so will everyone who can feel the beautiful, loving energy developing in you.

…and yes, that is me in the image above… Today, I decided to give myself a hug after finishing my workout this morning and, yes, I truly felt I deserved it! ?

I have an upcoming private group coming up in February called the Love-Yourself Challenge.  Click on the image below and complete the form if you are interested in joining the group and I will get back to you privately by email within 24 hours to give you the details…  Make yourself a priority….this will be the first step! 🙂

Be sure to join the upcoming challenge! Change your life forever!
Be sure to join the upcoming challenge! Change your life forever!