Don’t Accept Defeat (7 Ways I was Able to Get Stronger)

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How many challenges do we face every single week of the month? Real life contains emotional tests like disappointments, tragedy, societal issues, stress, injury, divorce, death, unemployment and even choices we make with an unknown future. So how do we keep moving forward without being totally defeated with life?

There are several ways we can do this that are truly effective if we are determined to move forward and intentional about facing the issue. By intentionally facing the issue, it builds on our strengths and makes us even more resilient for the next challenge. If we don’t face it, it weakens our capacity for the next time.

Boy did I learn these lessons the hard way…

Despite my hand injury and pain slowing me down, past abuse, and the huge commitment of raising my grandson full time (some days I feel too old for this!), I refuse to let myself get defeated.   Through my emotional fitness journey, I found some strategies that I put into practise that really helped me to learn to experience the inevitable challenges, have normal feelings about them, yet find a way to move past them quicker so that they have less impact on my life.

Here is what I learned…

  1.  I learned to enjoy my life as it is, instead of wishing it was different.  I learned to be present in my current life, enjoy what life has to offer now and not constantly be feeling like I need something different.  Having those feelings of wanting something different than what you have now is a huge stress, worry and constantly gets you down.  This is a hard habit to get out of, and I need to remind myself of this at times, but it is worth the work!
  2.  I learned to be thankful.  Wow, this made a huge difference in my life.  It is so easy to count our troubles instead of counting our blessings, but focusing on trouble completely eliminates our ability to experience the good we have been given in life.  A change in my perspective here made all the difference.  I learned to recognize the good and to be very thankful about it.
  3. I learned to slow down.  I was constantly in a rush every minute of every day.  By being in this state of mind, I was constantly making mistakes, cutting corners, getting ahead of myself and missing out on so many important moments in life.  Not to mention that being in a rush all the time was driving my kids crazy!   I learned to slow down and remembered what my mom always told me…”slow and steady wins the race”…dang it she was right!   Slowing down and being intentional about what I was doing improved my state of mind, I was more relaxed and my life was less stressful and (no surprise), my relationships improved!
  4. I learned to face the truth and the real emotional issues.   It was always easier to turn away from life challenges instead of facing them. I was a master avoider!!  The fact is, these emotions and truths will catch up to us eventually!  I learned that when I faced reality, I was much more capable of dealing with life effectively.  Seriously, when you do this, what once seemed difficult, now seems so much easier!  Things that seemed scary, now feel more comfortable and familiar.  I felt the difference this made in my strength and it helped me to build a much deeper confidence in myself.  Feeling capable is a great feeling!   ….and once on this path, you just keep getting stronger all the time!
  5. Further to facing the truth, I found that NOT pushing emotions away or packing them away in the “little black pandora’s box” of my mind was the best idea!   Seriously, I have learned that we need those feelings in order to have satisfaction, meaning and absolute pleasure in our life.  Packing away those feelings in the black box actually drained my energy and had unconcious impact on my personality!  Sounds scary, but its very true.  We need to experience our real emotions to have satisfaction and joy in our lives!
  6. Another thing I learned is that things cannot be perfect all of the time.  I had to really believe the fact that no one is perfect and no one gets things right every time.  If we have too unreasonable of expectations of ourselves, there is a constant feeling of failure and inadequacy.  This is NOT a good feeling, but had become a bad habit for me.  Perfectionism actually leads to anger and lack of confidence and has a negative impact on relationships.  This is a tough one to get over since I have had this issue since childhood, but it is an essential one to work through in order to be happy with yourself.  I learned that I was able to gain confidence through the process of trying, succeeding, failing and trying again…It built my power, resilience and confidence over time.
  7. The last thing I learned that was a critical shift for me to avoid defeat in life was to realize that relationships in our life need to be nurtured and cared for.   This includes coworkers, intimate partner, kids, family…all of these relationships need to be given attention and commitment to keep them alive and positive…and not just occasionally…this is something to work on consistently.  The other thing I had to learn was that I am 100% responsible for my contribution to the relationships and for my happiness.  No one else was responsible for any of this.  Forgiveness, making amends, accepting forgiveness, being open and vulnerable about love and talking about concerns were essential to realize and to apply to my life.

There was a lot of things to talk about today!   These were all things I learned by being committed to personal development, being determined to deal with past issues of abuse, focusing on becoming a better person…  Ultimately, developing personal strengths in multiple areas of life and thinking bigger like this really does make accepting any kind of defeat in life totally optional.  We have the choice and we don’t have to let life’s challenges get us down!

I am feeling happy, successful and accomplished right now since I got day 13 of my 30 day Fitness Challenge DONE!   I hope you have a fabulous day!!

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The 100% rule completely changed my life (and it can change yours too!)

100% is easy, 99% is hard!
100% is easy, 99% is hard!

The 100% rule has completely changed my life!!  100% is easier than 99%.

Say what?

Yes!! When we stick to something 100% it’s far easier than if we give in to even 1%. If we decide to quit smoking and allow even a few puffs here and there, how hard would it be to stay quit? Or have you truly even “quit” if you still dabble in it?

The same goes with eating sugar or junk food! If we stay away from it 100%, it becomes solid in our mind and is actually easy! If you give in and even have one chocolate or a few chips, then how HARD does it become not to have more?

The same rule applies to exercise. If we allow our exercise to slide even 1%, how hard does it become to get back or stay on track after that?  I am currently away from home at a conference in Florida for a week with very long days and minimal sleep.  But this is no excuse not to be 100% with exercise and superfood.  No way was I going to let my health slip because of travel … I know how hard it would be to get back on track if I allowed even 1% slip!   I digitally streamed my workouts on laptop and got my early morning MMA workout in, in a very small 6×6′ space and had a delicious superfood shake afterwards.  Once you have decided to commit 100%, then no excuses will be valid, and it will be much easier!

It is true that our well-meaning 99% effort actually becomes exhausting since it consumes more energy without producing results! It is actually stressful! It makes us feel like a failure when we are not — we just haven’t fully committed to something. Putting only 99% effort into things that really matter in life means we are constantly falling short of our potential — and feeling bad about it.

It boils down to decision and commitment. If you quit smoking, then in your mind, you need to 100% not touch cigarettes…then you can identify powerfully and with certainty as a ‘non-smoker’. Because even 1% use still means you are a smoker!

Jack Canfield puts it in this way “99% is a b*tch, and 100% is a breeze”. If something is tugging at you, then you likely have been “99-per centing” too long!

Comment below about some habits that you need to change?  What have you been 99% on that feels so difficult?   Give 100% a try, you may find that it will change your life as it changed mine!

 

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What Toddlers Can Teach Us About Health, Fitness, and Falling Off the Wagon

Just fell, but that's not going to stop me!
Just fell, but that’s not going to stop me!

My  two-year-old grandson inspires me.

I adore watching him plod through tall grass. It’s up to his knees in places and he pushes through every step to get where he wants to go. If there’s a mud puddle in his way, he marches right through it. Thick mud tries to hold him fast, but he tugs and yanks without stopping, until his feet are finally free, and continues right on wherever he was determined to go.

Watching him made me think of all the times I’ve had to plod through tall grass in my life – abuse, divorce, relentless weight gain, rejection, working out at 4:00am – sometimes I pushed through, and sometimes I gave up, turned around, and went back the way I came.

Toddlers, I discovered, know the secret to health, fitness, and falling off the wagon.

They don’t hold themselves up to impossible standards like we do. To them, life is one big experiment. Some things they try work, and other times they fall down and get a big ugly bump on their face. They don’t seem embarrassed by it though, and it doesn’t keep them from trying again.

I love that. We can definitely learn from their example.

Time and again, clients will start a fitness program or a clean-eating plan, and within a few weeks, they’ll stop. Give up. Quit. The reasons are many – scheduling issues, the cost, or a lack of planning or time.
Then they beat themselves up for failing, and feel even worse than when they began.

But toddlers know something we need to know. Life is not perfect, and neither are we.

The bumps, bruises, and hang-ups they constantly, continuously, endlessly encounter do not beat them.
To them, life is an experiment. Some things will work, some won’t.

It’s about progress, not perfection.

This is the lesson we need to learn.

Progress requires experimentation, and experimentation will result in fails.
We need to allow ourselves to fail.

Maybe the Plyo workout isn’t for you. Maybe it’s too intense or your wrists can’t handle it. Don’t give up, just try something else. There are loads of choices. Maybe weights, kickboxing or jogging. Try swimming or sports. Just don’t stop!

If counting calories stresses you out, don’t stop managing your diet, just try another method. Try portion control. Or introduce shakes. Or focus on making one small, positive change and holding to it every day. There are lots of ways to make progress.

Remember, it’s about progress, not perfection.

The amazing thing about allowing yourself to fail is that your expectations change.

Now you’re not holding yourself up to some impossible standard. Suddenly it becomes about one thing – the smoothie. Didn’t work? Try different recipes, different times of day, or have juice or a salad instead. It’s okay. We’re experimenting to see what sticks and what doesn’t. The great thing about fitness is that there’s no one way to health.

Progress, not perfection.

Sometimes we need to just take a cue from the inspiring little people around us.
They’re smarter than we think.

What is one thing you do to get back on the wagon after a fail?

Click here to get a FREE PDF download re: 5 WAYS to Awaken your Inner Child today!